So I know there have been lots of blogs started lately but I've been thinking about doing this for a while. So I finally decided after recent events to start. If for nothing else than to vent my frustrations and get feedback.
So you're probably wondering why I titled this "I'm not Cinderella!" (I'm not a journalist or english major, so sorry if the spelling and grammer suck) It's because I'M NOT CINDERELLA! As much as this world makes us stay at home moms feel like we need to be perfect in everything we do, we are not. And as hard as I try to cook, clean, raise children, do the laundry, the shopping, pay the bills and look gorgeous doing it. I am not Cinderella. I can't do it all and look good doing it all the time. And as far as I know, me and the princess icon share only one thing in common. I did, very luckily, find my prince.
I know I know, sometimes I might complain a lot about him, but overall I'm not divorced so I must be happy right?
For those of you that don't know me, I've got three beautiful children ages 6, 3, and 14 months. They are the reason I get up in the morning. Quite literally, if I'm not awake when my husbands alarm is going off they make sure I am within seconds of him turning it off. All three of my kids are clowns, they are silly and funny and love to giggle. And they make me laugh, even if I can't do it out loud because then they think they can do it again, I still get a good chuckle out of them. Unfortunatly they also love to fight. In addition to my daily list of errands and chores I deal with a very big problem at home.
We recently found out that my 3 year old has what is called Sensory Integration Disorder or Sensory Processing Disorder. And unfortunatly this disorder goes hand in hand with autism. On the good side, it explains a lot of his behavior issues. Why although I've tried and tried to teach him to dress himself there are days that he literally does not know how to do it. Why when he gets mad or upset it's a complete and total meltdown. Along with a million other things that we deal with on a daily or weekly basis, the puzzle pieces are falling together. But just because the light bulb went on doesn't mean that it's easy.
In speaking to the occupational therapist we've figured out that while my son is hyposensitive they are fairly postive my daughter is hypersensitive. Talk about oil and vinegar! People have told me repeatedly that they are just kids, and that's what siblings do. WRONG!!! What these kids do is what kids normally do times ten!
In my journey of realizing that I'm not the perfect mom I've come to a lot of realizations. It doesn't matter that I'm not perfect! As long as I try to get done what can get done in the day while dealing with all the tantrums, and I don't know how's, at least I've accomplished something. Being there for my child. I used to feel bad, and take all the bad looks from other parents in the store to heart. I'd think to myself "what am I doing wrong?", "why am I such a bad mom?", "I'm a failure." And all the thoughts, and worries, and bad advice and opinions really began to drag me down. Down to a point of suicidal thoughts. Add to all this having a baby 14 months ago, it was a pretty heavy load for anyone to take.
At the peak of everything before I sought help to prevent myself from doing something horrible someone posted on my facebook how I must hate my life my husband and my children, and to just suck it up. That person is no longer on my facebook for that reason. If you can't be supportive of me, then you're not worth being friends with. But now after my "a-ha" moment has come, I've started thinking differently. Who care's if the dishes aren't done and my parents come over. Who cares if there is a pile of laundry downstairs and the landlord stops by. Who care's that my bed didn't get made today, or Who care's that it's noon and we're all still in our pajamas. I'm with my children and there for them when they need me.
My point in this whole blog is that it doesn't matter what you get accomplished in a day. Or how you look cleaning your house. If your a stay at home mom like me, who cares! You're not Cinderella! And anyone who expects you to be isn't a mom. You're the one who cleans up the puke, changes the diapers, scrubs the toilet (after your husband has used it) and as long as you're there for your family when they need you to be that's all that matters. Leave it to Cinderella to scrub the floors in her glass slippers.
